everything in it's right place

(I started writing this post last week- It was a bad week.)

I feel like all I ever do lately is take my pills.

Time for bed. Open the cupboard. Open the bottles. one, two, three, four. Get my little pink plastic cup, get water out of the door dispenser. Fill it up a little, dump it out. (the first bit is kinda gross) Fill it up again, swallow the pills, bottoms up. Shut the cupboard.

Wake up. Drag my lazy bones out of bed. Open the cupboard. Open the bottles. one, two, three. Get my little pink plastic cup, get water out of the fridge door dispenser. Fill it up a little, dump it out. Fill it up again, swallow the pills, bottoms up. Shut the cupboard.

What I do in between is a blur. A blur of unhappiness. Nice days that beg for more meaningful moments. Instead I fill them with blur. I am sick of that cupboard. It's all I remember throughout each day. "what did I do today?" Open the cupboard...

"I feel like all I ever do lately is take my pills."

(now)

I quit my job yesterday. It was a bold move on my part. I am not famous for bold moves.

Sometimes there are situations of unhappiness that you can control. You can change your attitude, or work it out. But some of the time, things are beyond your control, and the only way to work it out is to leave the situation. This was one of those times.

I kept thinking "Why now? What am I doing?!? I am so not ready to leave! Am I really doing the right thing?" So I had a hard day yesterday. I laid in bed for most of it...

Recently (this week) we (my parents) had to put my grandma in a care center. She has Alzheimer's, and over the past 2 years, has gotten pretty bad. She still remembers my dad and Loo-loo, but not the rest of us (really).

So today I helped my parents move her belongings out of their (my grandma & her husband Jacob- my grandpa died 20 years ago- a story for another time) home. She is who I got all my sewing/crafting talent from. (But I did get all of my baking skills from my mom!) She was AMAZING at everything- from knitting to making wedding dresses. She even worked in the SLC temple in the clothing department for 15 years. Needless to say, her fabric stash and all her other sewing stuff- buttons, thread, machines, patterns, books, you name it, she's got lots of it. And we have to store it all at a storage place until we can figure out what to do with it.

So, next week, (while not working) I will be very busy stacking boxes and trying to organize it as much as possible so that when the time comes to go through it all, it will be easier.

I know there is always a reason for everything- timing and all. So even though I still don't think I am ready to leave work, I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing.

I will really miss my job. It was so much fun, and I made so many good, wonderful friends. I loved being surrounded by happy, joyful, beautiful, incredible, supportive, funny, down-to-earth, amazing, strong, inspiring, creative, and accepting people. I will miss them all terribly!

(and I still plan on blog stalking all of you!)