Saturday, August 29, 2009

saturday night fever

I was standing in my kitchen, eating a pizza pocket and listening to radiohead. I had just finished cleaning out my fridge- not scrubbing it, just throwing away all the jars and bottles of jam, ketchup, salad dressings, and the like that expired in 2008. Yes, 2008.

As I stare at the lumpy garbage bag FULL of condiments, and have pepperoni spilling onto my hand from the pizza pocket, I think, "why oh why do we NOT go through all that stuff?" We always went through that kind of stuff when I was growing up, and when I lived with my parents after rehab.

Danny doesn't really like salad, so I don't buy it very often. We hardly ever eat bread, it gets moldy before we can even get halfway through it. So, sometimes when I go to my parents house, I want a PB&J, or just toast with homemade jam, or a small salad. My mom ALWAYS has salad fixing's, fresh bread, and homemade jam. (usually made by her) It's funny how I never even think of eating those things at my house, even when I have the ingredients. But when I sit in that kitchen with my family on days or evenings that I visit them and everyone is just milling about, doing whatever, I want snacks. So I will get up, and make myself something. On a few occasions, Danny has been there to witness my snackiness, and he just looks at me like "why are you eating that and why don't I get one too?" So I usually make him something too.

(now onto pizza pocket #2)

My mom is an awesome cook, baker and everything else. I am so grateful that I grew up in a house with family dinner every night. Homework before dinner, helping mom prepare dinner, all of us eating around her vintage table, and then dishes. Then came friends. On the rare occasion that we did not have homework, we could play before dinner. And Sundays were mostly reserved for family time. Church, then the big Sunday dinner. We would sometimes have our cousins over, or we would travel to their house. I look back on it now, and I really appreciate the consistency of my parents rules. We were a family, did activities and trips and dinner as a family. And we still do.

I didn't really like Sundays growing up, the house was so quiet, and I was always so bored. I thought the the quietness made them boring. Sundays are quiet, not boring.

Now on Sundays, I clean and do laundry and generally just laze about with Danny. I love that total relaxed quality time that I get to have with him. He is my new family. We have our own memories, traditions, and habits to create. It's very exciting to think about- what will our future grown up children want to snack on when they come to visit us? (probably cake and cupcakes)

Danny has definitely gotten engulfed in my family's traditions, and quirks. We blab, on and on, whenever we go to visit them. I love it. Danny, not so much. He does not like not being able to be in the conversation. But my dad loves Danny, so he is really good to include him, but mostly he just talks to Danny. About computers, politics, and other weird random stuff.

The only traditions and quirks that I have been exposed to in Danny's family are the traditions that his grandma keeps, and the quirks are that when we visit his family, nobody talks. And if they do, it's short questions followed by 1 or 2 word answers. Lots of silences, followed by longer ones. It makes me nervous. But I think that once we have a kid or 2, they will be filling those silences very nicely. Or just loudly, which is fine by me.

So now I am finished eating, and going completely off topic. Where was I? Oh yeah, cleaning. I am gonna go and start on the bathroom now.

Friday, August 28, 2009

always, sometimes, never.

I always...
-do laundry on Sundays
-feed my cats at 11 p.m.
-have room for dessert
-stay up too late (I'm working on it!)
-buy my favorite books (hardcover first editions, if they are reasonable)
-have my toenails painted
-wear jeans
-start new projects when I have a million other unfinished ones
-try to make dinner every night
-buy 2 weeks worth of groceries at a time
-drink a Dr. Pepper in the afternoon
-love to spend time with my sister Lindsay (sorry family, she is my favorite!)
-cuddle with the Cow before I can go to sleep (and wake up with her on my head)
-wear spf 70 on my pale skin when I will be in the sun for more than 30 minutes

I sometimes...
-take the cats outside for a little relaxation (for me) and plenty of grass eating (for them)
-skip the shower and wear a hat instead
-wear a skirt or a dress
-play video games
-vacuum (I make Danny do it most of the time)
-want to eat out
-go on a walk with Danny in the evening
-keep our houseplants alive
-play Wii Fit

I never...
-make my bed
-eat sushi, or any other kind of seafood
-listen to country, reggae, or hip-hop
-cut my hair more than 3 inches at a time
-take a shower at night
-drink alcohol
-use my film cameras (anymore)
-completely understand what Danny does for a living
-call my cats by their real names
-wake up before I absolutely have to
-watch the news, or read the paper
-think I will ever get tattooed again
-have a tan

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

in memory...

of the beautiful garden that Calvin kept for so many years. It still is beautiful, but missing it's owner.

Tire swing.

Danny on the swings.

Early Pumpkins.

Apple Tree.

Plum Tree.

Corn- almost ready :)

The tree, and the house.

The end.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

happy birthday danny!

We didn't do much celebrating today, due to the aftermath of sadness that came yesterday. We slept in, got up, Danny watched golf and I finished his birthday cake.

Then, we took a nap with the kittens.

I made dinner- french toast. The best French Toast EVER. I served it with cinnamon syrup and vanilla sauce. Danny liked the vanilla sauce the best- I liked them both, kinda mixed together.

Then we had dessert. Mmmmm.

Tiramisu. (non-alcoholic, of course)

And, because we had planned to have a party with our good friends Mike & Nan, I wanted to make a dessert that they could eat as well. (Mike is very strict on the no coffee rule.)

So I invented Temple Worthy Tiramisu. I have not tried it yet, (I just made a small one as a test, but I am pretty sure it totally rocks.)
P.S. It totally rocks. I just ate it.

Recipe is now on my recipe blog.

beautiful baby miyo

My friend Melissa just had a baby girl a few weeks ago. They named her Miyo (mee-yo) She was born on a perfect summer morning. Melissa brought her in so we could see her when she was just 4 days old. I got to hold her, she was so tiny and so so cute. We got to see her again yesterday, and I got few sweet snapshots of her.


And her little boy, Jameson. I love those dimples!

They are moving back to California soon, and I am going to miss them so much!
Thanks Melissa, for sharing your happiness with all of us at Babinskis!

Saturday, August 22, 2009


Danny's grandpa died today.

More to follow. I am just so exhausted, I can't even blog right now.

Friday, August 21, 2009

a new suit

So when I got home from work today, I made Danny go on an adventure with me. I was convinced that he really needed new pants, because he wears the SAME ones every single day. And his birthday is on Sunday. He was really insistent that he did not need new pants. Here was our conversation at the store:

Me: You wear the same pants every day.
Danny: So what.
Me: So some of your co-workers have probably noticed by now.
Danny: I don't care.
Me: But then it looks like we are really poor and we can't afford to buy you new pants!
Danny: I don't care what anyone thinks about my pants.
Me: Okay. No new pants.

Then we went to dinner at Pei Wei. While we were deciding on what to eat, I looked at his sad face and asked "Are you okay? You seem kinda down tonight." (I thought it was just the pants shopping, he HATES shopping for clothes for him, ESPECIALLY pants."

He says "I AM pretty sad today." Shit. How could I have been THAT un-observant about my husbands mood?

"What's wrong?" (by this time we were sitting outside in the very nice warm summer night air)

Danny says "My dad called me today. He asked if I wanted to go golfing tomorrow, and we made plans. And then he called me back a half an hour later, and says Do you have a suit?"
"Uh. No." "Well then I will come and pick you up in the morning and I will buy you a suit." "I am guessing that grandpa isn't doing so well then" "No." (end of conversation)

I am a little bit miffed that his dad chose to tell him that his grandpa is going to die in the next few days by saying "Do you have a suit?"

I'll keep you posted.

AND... Freaky Friday was going SO well today, I had no injuries or sudden sicknesses at work. I was feeling pretty smug when I left work, happy as a clam.

Not so much anymore.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

i heart danny

Danny is the best man in the world. (for me) Seriously, every day I am amazed at something he does or something he says.

(my little heart flutters and I stop breathing and I get a rush of happiness)

We are SO different. If we hadn't of been set up by friends, we would of never met. And I would be so so lonely. Last week I asked him if he wanted to sit outside with me and enjoy the breeze and the moonlight. As we sat under that bright, clear sky, with the full moon making the backyard glow, we were chatting about the earth and it's rotation and path around the sun, what influence the moon has over the earth, and such. Then Danny says to me:

"So then do you know what time is based on?"
Me: "What?"
Danny: "You know, 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour."
Me: "Oh yeah. I have always wondered about that, especially when I learned how to tell time. I was always so confused by it. And then I just accepted that that is the way it is, so just learn it already and get your teacher to back off."
Danny: "The Sumerians (an ancient culture that I don't remember learning about) counted on their fingers at each knuckle, counting off of each finger with their thumb. (3 in each finger, each hand=12, 2 hands=24) 12 hours of day, 12 hours of night. Except that they would base when night/day started based on the seasons. So it wasn't always even, but someone later in time finally made it even."
Me: "And the hour?"
Danny: "Each hand = 12, and your hand has 5 fingers. That = 60 minutes in an hour.
Me: "Huh. Interesting." wait. "How in the hell do you know this?!?"
Danny "I don't remember where. Probably the History or Science Channel."

I have forgotten pretty much everything I learned in school. So I often wonder about things, like the universe, and I think and try to remember, but I don't. And I NEVER wonder while I am in front of the computer with the all powerful Google. So I never get my wondering figured out.

Until I met Danny. He pretty much knows everything about anything. So now when I wonder, he is there, and he teaches me all over again. I think it's pretty amazing that he retains all those facts. I remember colors and smells and whether or not I was scared at the time. But he remembers facts. And that is one reason why we are so different.

And it makes me fall in love with him all over again every time it happens.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

my house is really messy.

Really, it's terrible. It looks like 10 teenagers live here.

Like I said in my last post, I have been really busy this week. The last post was about the bad, and this one is about the good.

ALL week I have been crafty. (I wish I could figure out a better word than crafty. It sounds so underhanded and or cheesy.)

I made a bunch of cute flower hair clips for adults. I was having glue issues, so they took longer than expected. But I have a completely new and fabulous project. (hopefully) I like to paint. So I decided to paint. 12x12 canvases with cupcakes on them. To sell at my work. I have not seen ANY other cupcake themed paintings, so I am hoping they will do well.

Because all this week, despite the sad things that happened, I literally had NO anxiety. I had a few moments here and there, but no panic attacks. No sleepless nights. No frightful mornings.
Everyday, after work, I was busy and figuring out and happily creating cute and fun things. I love it when I have the inspiration to create. It makes me feel so good. And, I am on a roll. I keep having better and better ideas. So what if my house is a disaster? I am HAPPY. And that is much better. I did laundry today, and a little bit of dishes. And someday this week, I will take a day to catch up and clean up, because I just can't work in chaos (for very long anyway).

better than last week, not really.

Alright. No, I am not mad at you dear blog, I have just been busy. No, not playing Fable like I was a few weeks ago, but busy.

It's strange how many people you gain when you get married. Well, not strange, but it's an un-anticipated gain. You know you are getting the love of your life for the rest of your life, and they have family, and sure, you have family too. You gain all the happiness and sadness that comes with families as well.

My grandma is sick. But she really hasn't been part of my life for the last 15 years or so. Which is REALLY sad, because I have so many wonderful memories of her and I, together doing creative and fun things. My dad always says that I got all of my talents from her. So her being sick is sad, but I feel like I lost her so long ago. I know I mourned her back then, I remember the pain. (the reason I lost her is because she married a man that is quite controlling, and he has lots of kids and grand kids and they have pretty much taken up all her time and energy in these last 15 years. Bitter? Yes. Going to shut up now, yes.)

This last Wednesday night, I found out that Danny's grandpa Calvin is sick. Very sick, actually. He has had lymphoma for the last 10 years. He started chemo when he was first diagnosed, and it went into remission. Well, it's back with a vengeance. His last treatment didn't do anything, so they gave him a round of radiation. It really weakened his immune system, and so he is currently in the hospital. I guess they (Cal & his wife La Rue) talked for a while with a hospice doctor. So from that I am guessing that he won't be suffering for much longer. Which is a blessing, but so so sad.

I really wish that I had known he was so sick before now. Danny and I have been together for almost 3 1/2 years, so we have spent a few holidays at his grandparents house. I would of accepted more dinner invitations had I known how serious the situation was. But really Jessica, does it have to be that bad to get you to spend time with your family? Jeez. I am so selfish.

We visited him in the hospital. He looked SO small in that bed. After we left, and for the rest of the evening, my mind was thinking about my past (when my grandpa died of cancer when I was 9, and he was 89. That time was so dark. It was December and dark outside and dark inside. I was so sad, and didn't really know how to deal, and my dad was so so sad, and I also didn't know how to deal with that) and my future (what will happen to us? Will Danny go first or will I? What will become of my parents? His parents? How old will our kids be when their grandparents die? Of course they have to be born first, right?)

And then on Freaky Friday, I made it 3 hours into my shift before injuring my toe again. It bled all over the place hurt really bad ALL over again. What will happen next week? You know it will happen 4 hours into my shift.

Wanna make bets?

Saturday, August 8, 2009

the painful story of the black toe

I can't seem to catch a break latley. Can't I just have one good week? Just one? Please?

Today I had the worst cramps ever, and then at work I was helping move furniture around when I rammed a crib into my foot, seperating my big toenail from my toe, and then out if shock I dropped the crib back on my toes. So I have a black toe that really hurts and bruised toes. Needless to say, I got to go home early.

I spent the WHOLE day in bed. Because of a TOE. So lame! I feel like the biggest moron ever! I tried to include a beautiful photo to go along with this sad tale, but my fancy iPhone does NOT send picture messages. I can blog from my iPhone, as I am doing now because I don't want to walk to the computer to post this ridiculous story.

How has your week been?

Sunday, August 2, 2009

a brand new day (or week)

So I have had a semi-rough couple of weeks. My anxiety has been really bad, and I have had some sleepless nights, scary days, and just pretty much exhausted myself trying to fix it all. I got on a few new medications, and hopefully, I am now fully adjusted to them and things will just get better from here on out. Phew.

I was really scared there for a minute. I was convinced that I was going to have to commit myself or something. That's the thing with anxiety, when it's really bad, you seriously think you are dying or completely out of control, and you won't be able to stop yourself.

(Don't worry, I never even once thought about drinking. I am proud of myself for that at least.)

I had this weekend off, so yesterday I cleaned and cleaned and my house is literally shiny. I love a clean house. I just feel better with no piles of clutter. And today Danny and I slept in, then he worked on my new computer, (yeah!) and I finished up the laundry. Then we went to Costco, and then went to visit my parents.

Lindsay was SO excited to see us. She had been telling my mom ALL day that we were coming to visit, and my mom kept telling her "no, she would have called or texted if she was coming over!" and 2 minutes later, I called. Lindsay then spent the next ten minutes telling my mom "see! I told ya so! I told ya so! Jessica IS coming to visit!" I LOVE her! So much!

I need to visit my family more often. I had both sisters trying to tell me stories, and my dad asking me about how the new car is running, and my mom in the background making peanut butter cookies and quietly adding to the conversation.

It was really nice. Since they have remolded the kitchen, it hasn't felt like "home" anymore. But having all of us (except for Nick, he and Stevie are in Sturgis) around the table, and instead of resting, my mom starts baking. So today, that brand new beautiful kitchen finally felt like home.

So this week, I am hopeful that I won't have any bad days (or nights) and I am going to try to meditate to hopefully calm my crazy zooming fearful mind from driving me to the loony bin.

I'll let you know how it all works out! (pray for me?)

(oh yeah, and I had planned on making peanut butter cookies today as well, so I did. And Danny is bringing a bunch to work, and so am I!)