Sunday, August 2, 2009

a brand new day (or week)

So I have had a semi-rough couple of weeks. My anxiety has been really bad, and I have had some sleepless nights, scary days, and just pretty much exhausted myself trying to fix it all. I got on a few new medications, and hopefully, I am now fully adjusted to them and things will just get better from here on out. Phew.

I was really scared there for a minute. I was convinced that I was going to have to commit myself or something. That's the thing with anxiety, when it's really bad, you seriously think you are dying or completely out of control, and you won't be able to stop yourself.

(Don't worry, I never even once thought about drinking. I am proud of myself for that at least.)

I had this weekend off, so yesterday I cleaned and cleaned and my house is literally shiny. I love a clean house. I just feel better with no piles of clutter. And today Danny and I slept in, then he worked on my new computer, (yeah!) and I finished up the laundry. Then we went to Costco, and then went to visit my parents.

Lindsay was SO excited to see us. She had been telling my mom ALL day that we were coming to visit, and my mom kept telling her "no, she would have called or texted if she was coming over!" and 2 minutes later, I called. Lindsay then spent the next ten minutes telling my mom "see! I told ya so! I told ya so! Jessica IS coming to visit!" I LOVE her! So much!

I need to visit my family more often. I had both sisters trying to tell me stories, and my dad asking me about how the new car is running, and my mom in the background making peanut butter cookies and quietly adding to the conversation.

It was really nice. Since they have remolded the kitchen, it hasn't felt like "home" anymore. But having all of us (except for Nick, he and Stevie are in Sturgis) around the table, and instead of resting, my mom starts baking. So today, that brand new beautiful kitchen finally felt like home.

So this week, I am hopeful that I won't have any bad days (or nights) and I am going to try to meditate to hopefully calm my crazy zooming fearful mind from driving me to the loony bin.

I'll let you know how it all works out! (pray for me?)

(oh yeah, and I had planned on making peanut butter cookies today as well, so I did. And Danny is bringing a bunch to work, and so am I!)

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