Sunday, August 16, 2009

better than last week, not really.

Alright. No, I am not mad at you dear blog, I have just been busy. No, not playing Fable like I was a few weeks ago, but busy.

It's strange how many people you gain when you get married. Well, not strange, but it's an un-anticipated gain. You know you are getting the love of your life for the rest of your life, and they have family, and sure, you have family too. You gain all the happiness and sadness that comes with families as well.

My grandma is sick. But she really hasn't been part of my life for the last 15 years or so. Which is REALLY sad, because I have so many wonderful memories of her and I, together doing creative and fun things. My dad always says that I got all of my talents from her. So her being sick is sad, but I feel like I lost her so long ago. I know I mourned her back then, I remember the pain. (the reason I lost her is because she married a man that is quite controlling, and he has lots of kids and grand kids and they have pretty much taken up all her time and energy in these last 15 years. Bitter? Yes. Going to shut up now, yes.)

This last Wednesday night, I found out that Danny's grandpa Calvin is sick. Very sick, actually. He has had lymphoma for the last 10 years. He started chemo when he was first diagnosed, and it went into remission. Well, it's back with a vengeance. His last treatment didn't do anything, so they gave him a round of radiation. It really weakened his immune system, and so he is currently in the hospital. I guess they (Cal & his wife La Rue) talked for a while with a hospice doctor. So from that I am guessing that he won't be suffering for much longer. Which is a blessing, but so so sad.

I really wish that I had known he was so sick before now. Danny and I have been together for almost 3 1/2 years, so we have spent a few holidays at his grandparents house. I would of accepted more dinner invitations had I known how serious the situation was. But really Jessica, does it have to be that bad to get you to spend time with your family? Jeez. I am so selfish.

We visited him in the hospital. He looked SO small in that bed. After we left, and for the rest of the evening, my mind was thinking about my past (when my grandpa died of cancer when I was 9, and he was 89. That time was so dark. It was December and dark outside and dark inside. I was so sad, and didn't really know how to deal, and my dad was so so sad, and I also didn't know how to deal with that) and my future (what will happen to us? Will Danny go first or will I? What will become of my parents? His parents? How old will our kids be when their grandparents die? Of course they have to be born first, right?)

And then on Freaky Friday, I made it 3 hours into my shift before injuring my toe again. It bled all over the place hurt really bad ALL over again. What will happen next week? You know it will happen 4 hours into my shift.

Wanna make bets?

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