Monday, December 19, 2011

abby normal- diary entry part one

(coco cuddles with me)

November 7th was a gorgeous sunny day. I was in a great mood, even though it was a Monday. Most Mondays I miss Danny, and I mope around not getting anything done. I was sitting on my bed with Matilda and Coco- a teeny tiny white maltese, whom we were dog sitting. I was checking my email when my Dr. called me.

"Sorry it took me so long to get back to you on your pap results, the pathologists took a long time getting back to me."


"So your results are not good. Your pap was abnormal, you have hi-grade squamous cells."


"If they were low-grade, they would most likely fix themselves. But at this high, they are most likely a lesion. You'll need a colposcopy to determine the extent. Depending on what the Dr. sees, you may need a biopsy."

So... What?

"If this goes untreated, you will develop cervical cancer. But we caught it early!"

Uh... What happens after the biopsy?

"Sometimes the biopsy gets rid of all the abnormal cells. If not, you'll have to have a procedure called a LEEP. The Dr. will use a thin, low-voltage wire loop to cut out the abnormal tissue.

So. Can I make an appointment?

"We can't do it here. Do you want to go to A) which takes about 51 calls to get an appointment, or B) who never answers their phones and I hear they are backed up till January."

A, asap.

"Great. I'll let you know. And I'm sorry for the bad news."


I started sobbing. Uncontrollably. This was one of those moments where you can actually feel in your heart how many miles away you are from your family and friends. I wanted my mom. I wanted Nan. 

Coco came right up onto my chest and sat down, looking me straight in the eyes with her big brown ones. She whimpered and licked my nose, then rested her head on my shoulder and sighed.

Anyone that says animals don't feel human emotions are idiots and fools.

I texted Danny. Like 4 times. He finally called me back, he was pretty busy at work. I told him that I was ok, and then what the Dr. said. He said he'd be right home. I told him I was fine, not to worry. I just needed to hear his voice.

He came home anyway, and I've never been happier to see him. We cuddled on our bed for awhile and he kissed my forehead and told me that I'd be just fine. We decided to keep it to ourselves until we knew more. Moving away was hard on our families, the holidays were coming up, I just didn't want to stress anyone out.

I am SO relieved that I insisted on having that pap done, even though my Dr. said I didn't need it. Turns out I most certainly did need it. 

So when your Dr. says you can skip a year, don't. It's not worth the risk, not at all.

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