to the maxx

What stresses me out the most?

Hmmm. Let's see...

Baking and decorating large cakes. Give me 200+ cupcakes over a 3 tiered, fondant covered mountain any day.

Ex boyfriends that want to be friends on FB. Actually, it pisses me off more than it stresses me out. I'm married now, morons. I want nothing in the world to do with you. And if I ever see you in public and you try to size up my ex-Marine of a husband, he will most likely punch you in the face.

What worries me the most?

When my siblings and/or closest friends are hurt, sad, or suffering. I turn into a very overprotective gorilla/ninja/bitch. Sorry guys. I can't quite help it. I'm trying harder to stay out of it.

What causes me misery, heartache and pain?

Myself. Luckily, I dropped all the haters I had as friends a long time ago- so now the only enemy I have is myself. I have depression and anxiety (doesn't everybody?) that egg each other on. I get depressed when I am experiencing anxiety, I have anxiety when I've been depressed.

Luckily, with the help of some honest doctors I have found the perfect drug combination to keep it all at bay- ok that's not true. I have to be very aware of my state of mind, get out of the house, rely on my husband to take some of the burden away- just a hug does freakin wonders. Regular time with family, sewing, baking and very recently- babysitting Van, keeps my demons away.

Also, my biological clock is driving me crazy. It's got to be hormonal- these irrational thoughts and jealousies seemingly out of nowhere that make me feel like less of a person. Deep down, away from those stealthy hormones I know that Danny and I will have a family, someday, when our babies are ready to join us. We have no infertility issues, nothing to worry about. SO WHY AM I SO FREAKIN WORRIED ABOUT IT!?!?!? See? Irrational.

Misery- Country Music, Opera, Classical. Zombie movies. Movies about aliens/space.

Pain- Christmas music, especially Charlie Brown. Randy Newman. Caillou.

What makes me happy?

When my husband comes home from work. When he walks in that door- sometimes I jump up and down, sometimes I run at him with a bear hug- sometimes I'm sewing and I don't even hear him come in and he has to make a lot of noise so he doesn't startle me.

The fact that my cats love sleeping on me. I think they love me not having a job and staying home all day more than I do. Matilda loves sleeping on legs, purring very loudly. Kobe loves spooning with me at night- with her head on the pillow and under the covers of course. I usually wake up to her curled around my head- paws stuffed into my hair. 9/10 grey hairs I find on my head are actually cat hairs, embedded from the nesting ritual she performs in the wee morning hours.

Loo-loo. The benefit I gain from chillin with her every week is massive. We have the greatest friendship- not just as sisters, but the sister aspect makes it even more amazing.

Sewing- duh. Well, just creating in general. I love a good challenge. I've been experimenting so much lately, that I might just be venturing into (gasp) clothes. Like adult for me clothes. Nothing solid yet.

Friends. I don't have many. I've been spending a lot of time with Nan and baby Van- it's been so nice. I love that Nan is so openly honest about what being a new mom is like- and that she actually trusts me to watch her tiny child for hours at a time. He constantly smiles- looking away is impossible. I can't wait to have my own...and then our kids can be like BFF's just like us and it will be so amazing and cool and. Ehem. Getting a little ahead of myself.

Taking pictures.

Damn fine coffee.

Traveling.

Miniatures.

...and a ton more. I didn't intend this post to be so damn long, and rant-y. (ish?)