Sunday, June 6, 2010


I had this attitude that since my grandma wasn't really a part of our lives for the past 15 years, and since I had mourned her loss a long time ago, that I would be okay when she passed. This post proved that theory to be wrong. This past week I have been sad, but not the manic-depressive-crazy-kill-me-now-sadness that has engulfed me in the past.

I did a lot better than I thought I would at the funeral. I didn't bawl my heart out all day long. It was a typical LDS funeral- viewing, family prayer, funeral, burial, luncheon. We got there 10 minutes early. (amazing, right?) As the church filled with mourners, I grabbed Lindsay and made Danny keep her company while I made my mom braid my hair. (I so wish I could french braid my own hair) Loo-loo really wanted to see her grandma. In the box. So when the room cleared a little, I led her in.

I watched her intently as she studied our grandmother. Her face was calm, her manner was soft. We turned around and found a seat. After a few minutes, we went back up. This time Loo-loo wanted to touch her. I told her that she could only touch her hands. Our grandma looked good- like herself, the way we remembered her. Not the sickly and confused woman we watched suffer last week. Again Loo-loo was calm, patting her hand, and holding onto her arm. She said a few things under her breath, then patted her hand again. She looked at me and said "Grandma in heaven. With grandpa. Just body. Hands cold." We sat back down.

The room filled again with people. I began to worry. I get a little claustrophobic in crowds. The bishop announced that they would be closing the casket, so if there was anyone that wanted to see her, they better do it now. Loo-loo begged for one more look. Please? Please? she said. I couldn't say no- right? We went back up.

Loo-loo watches a lot of T.V. She often quotes movies and t.v. shows dramatic moments, it's her way of identifying with her emotions. All of us exaggerate.

This time was quick. She touched her hand, and said "I love you, grandma." As we walked away, loo-loo started crying, and then almost falling to the ground, she cried "grandma!" as we walked back to our seats. There was gasping and crying from the crowd, who mouthed "aww" and "I'm sorry!" in response.

The thing is, loo-loo was acting. It was a magnificent act, she should win an Oscar for it. I had such a hard time not laughing through it.

I sat between her and Danny during the funeral. I learned a few things about my grandma that I had never heard before. My dad had emailed me his talk the night before, so I knew what he was going to say. It's probably why I didn't cry a lot. Loo-loo really wanted to go "up there" and sing. Really really badly. A few times I had to hold her back to keep her from running up there!

Afterwards, when the pallbearers were taking the casket out of the church, she waved her Kleenex at the casket as it passed her. A few more gasps from the crowd.

I love her. So much.

Ain't they cute?

Always appropriate.

I heart my sisters!

The Limo, Loo-loo, and Nicky poo.

Loo-loo and Hazel.

Jacob and Loo-loo.

(Jacob was my grandma's husband)

1 comment:

  1. Lindsay is a great actress! I wish she would have gone up and sang, I think that would have been cool.

    Do you remember she said something at our wedding at just the right moment... actually I think she said "Awww" and/or something about kissing the bride.. (now I need to dig out the video) It was so sweet and touching the way she said it and at the time she said it!