Monday, June 13, 2011

the story

Ever since we got married, I've been pleading and begging for Danny to get a job outside of Utah. "Wherever you get a job, I'll go. Unless it snows." I've wanted to move away since I was an angst ridden teenager. In my early 20's, I planned to move to Seattle, but it never worked out. Danny has already lived elsewhere in his life, so he didn't really care where we lived.

Last fall when we went to San Fran, we kinda fell in love with the city. The morning after we got back, Danny got an email asking if he'd be willing to move to take a job there. We were blown away- each of us had secretly fantasized that a job offer would come out of the trip but we both thought we were being ridiculous.

I jumped on that train so fast- I was emotionally fragile. I was upset that we weren't pregnant yet, it had been a year of trying. It seemed that everyone around me was getting knocked up, so why not us? So moving to a city that wasn't swimming in toddlers seemed like a good distraction. I just wanted to give up, and move away before the winter came. Emails inquiring about the job offer were sent. None were returned. Winter was coming, and I was bitter and resentful and mad at myself for getting so carried away. I started thinking of maybe going back to school so that I could get a job that actually earned money.

My one and only new years resolution was this: to accept living in Utah, and to learn to love it. Danny has a great job, both of our families are here, we are happy living here! We have a 3 bedroom house, I have a sewing room, why would we want to leave?

That's when I started to watch Van on a weekly basis. He was 5 months old, Nan wanted to get back to working out, and I had nothing better to do. We would go on walks, watch cars. When he started eating baby food- and I got to feed him sometimes. He learned how to roll over, sit up. I heard him call Nan mama. The winter flew by- and my usual seasonal depression never came.

I've never had a happier winter in my life.

Spring came, and so did a whole bunch of sewing orders. I was busy sewing, chilling with my mom and still watching Van twice a week. Utah started to turn green. Our anniversary came, and so did the trip to Portland.

When we got home, Danny had decided that he would actively start to look for a job in San Francisco. The earliest we thought he'd find something was 6 months. Then he got the email requesting a phone interview, and the rest is...history.

We were (and still are) shocked that it happened SO fast! In a month we will be living on the coast instead of the mountains, we will have sand instead of snow, and palm trees instead of pine ones. We'll walk to the grocery store every day instead of driving every two weeks, we'll be city dwellers instead of suburbanites. We'll trade 2 cars for one, 3 bedrooms for 1, (2 if we're lucky) and in house washer & dryer for coin-op ones.

When they asked if we could fly out for an interview, I had to consider that this could really happen. After Danny went to bed, I bawled in the bathroom for an hour. "This is what I have wanted. This is what I have been begging for. This is really happening, and I don't even know if I want it anymore." The thought of leaving my family, my bestest friends, my growing business, watching Van grow up in this ever changing time, not having Loo-loo days or sewing days with my mom- broke my heart into a million pieces.

This was not an easy decision to make. I had days where I thought it was the worst idea ever, and days that I thought it was the best. After the offer was given, and accepted, I felt at peace- finally. It was real. And from that moment on, I've been giddy.

This move means opportunities for both of us that aren't available here. For Danny it means getting his foot in the door in the hub of all things computer. For me it means being immersed in a city of art, artists, and stores that cater to handmade craftiness. I've always wanted to live by the ocean, and have a birthday that doesn't involve snow.

I'm not denying that it won't be hard. It's gonna be a very tough transition. Everything I do everyday will be have to be done differently. I won't be able to sit in my parents kitchen, with a delicious snack, sipping a Dr Pepper and chatting with my mom. I won't see Van take his first steps.

Not to mention the fact that Kobe- our older cat is sick, and probably won't make it to California. She's losing weight, even eating the most fattening and gross smelling food all day long. She almost gives herself a heart attack in the car to see the vet, so I don't know what a 12+ car ride will do to her. (okay- crying while blogging sucks. I'm done with the sad.)

I am so thrilled to be going on this adventure with my amazing husband. I love him so much- I know that this move will bring us even closer together (if that's even possible) and I will finally learn to appreciate my first home. It's all I've ever known.

It's time to stretch and grow... a lot.

I'll probably forgo blogging for the rest of the month- pardon me. I'll be so very busy figuring out what to keep, what to sell, what to take, and not to mention where to live. Nope, don't have a place yet...

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