lollygagging, impatience, and glasses

(my little bug, napping)

My self worth is not the greatest. I'm pretty sure that believing in ones self isn't easy for anyone, ever.

I have a complicated project that I've be putting off for the last few days- trying to find answers from other people, the internet, books. I got so frustrated today- I yelled KNUCKLESANDWICH at my computer screen and decided it was time for me to go on a walk.

When I got home, I took a long shower. While getting dressed something that I read recently (I'd credit it but I can't remember where I read it) hit me. You know the phrase "put your big girl panties on"? Well the thing that I read was "what if I can't find them?"

They aren't an answer from outside. It's just a decision. To step up. I decided that if I asked for help, then this project suddenly became clear, do-able, rewarding. Relief, oh sweet relief! I can do this, I really can!

When I stopped trying to find the "easy" way out via someone else telling me, showing me what to do, and deciding to let someone else take the part of the project that's just too hard for me, I could finally, clearly see in my mind's eye how to do it. How it will work perfectly.

Math to my brain is like sugar in the gas tank. So Danny will do the math, make the drawings. I will cut the fabric, sew the seams, etc...

Onto to the glasses. A few weeks ago I re-vamped my Rag-a-muffin blog. It took 3 days of staring at the computer screen, cursing, Dr Pepper, more cursing, and more cans of DP. It looks a million times better, functions more like a website, and damnit, I did it all by myself.

After that I started getting headaches. I was in the process of cutting out said Dr Pepper, and wheat (failed experiment) so I just chalked it up to those 2 major diet changes. Then whenever I opened up my macbook, I'd get hit with a headache. "Oh yeah, I do have glasses that I should be wearing." So I started wearing them and they went away. But now, if I don't wear them all the time, I get headaches.

So now I wear glasses, full time. Good thing I got some new ones before we moved! They are comfortable and cute, and most of the time, smudgy. I hate cleaning them.

"Summer" was pretty short- the last few weeks of September had some days when the temp got into the  low 80's. No air conditioning here- so on hot days when it got to be too much for me, I would take a cold shower. It worked so well! We also invested in a fan- it's small but it was pricey (for a fan) and we put it downstairs so it blows upstairs, and since we live in a loft with hardly any walls, it works great!

The last 2 days have been rainy. Well, drizzly. When I was walking today I saw people in coats and scarves with umbrellas- I kinda laughed at them. It was the wimpiest "rain storm" I've ever been in. Guess I'm just used to the downpours that happen in Utah all the time.

Can I even tell you how excited I am to be living in California with fall and winter on the horizon? Every year I d-r-e-a-d the end of September- I love fall, but fall means the winter is coming meaning s-n-o-w is coming. And you know how I feel about snow. I freaking hate it. It's so weird to think that I won't be digging my car out, won't be freezing my ass off every time I leave the house. Even though "summer" was short, I'm excited for "cooler" weather. I love my flip-flops, but I love boots and tall socks and layering even more.

I keep having dreams that it snows here- just a little bit, and I get pissed! I'm all YOU GUYS LIED TO ME! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO SNOW HERE! JERKS!

Okay I'll wrap up this long blather of a post by saying that I got my new sewing machine on Monday and it's awesome! It's got more power, and it sews like a dream. I'm so happy with it- you know I was dreading "learning" a new machine, but this one is so similar to my old one that it's no big deal.

And also, since the Appel & Frank Babes & Babies event was such a big hit, I have been invited to come to their Holiday event on December 7th. It's not a baby event, but more of a gifty one, so I hope to sell aprons and ornaments and of course, more dolls!