picky

I am going to talk about zits in this post- so if you are easily disgusted, stop reading, and for the rest of you, prepare to be thoroughly grossed out.

I am disgusted by my zits. When I have a breakout, I don't leave the house because I am disgusted by myself. And if I do have to go anywhere public, I am in a constant state of anxiety that Other People can see my face. I'm also a chronic picker. I love to pick. Scabs, blackheads, zits, dry skin, whatever. When I was a teen, my mom would make me let her pick my blackheads. "They are screaming at me!" she would say. And they do scream- until they are gone.

Danny is oh-so-lucky that his skin is perfect- I never feel the need to pick on him. Instead I have to ask him to get the monsters that appear on my back that I can't reach. And then I scream bloody murder, because those suckers hurt! Sometimes after he is done torturing me, I ask to see if he has any back zits. And he never ever does. I just gaze at his perfect milky white skin and I get so jealous.

I talked about it in this post a few weeks ago. Since using Kiehls, my face has gotten a ton better. And by combining the Ultra Face Wash with my Clarisonic on a daily basis, my skin has started to heal all the old acne scars and my breakouts are minimal compared to a few months ago. I made myself promise not to pick my face as much so that this new routine can work. I want to have healthy skin so that I can wear less to no makeup and feel good about myself. I know that I will always have some acne, but it's getting better and that makes me hopeful.

Last week, I started to get a cystic zit on my chin. Like I said- nothing helps those cystic monsters. And it's so SO hard for me to leave them alone. But I haven't touched it. And today, I had to give it it's own zip code. It's out of control. It's huge and it looks ready to pop- but I know better. Cystic ones never pop- they are just full of fluid and the more you squeeze them the more badly they scar. I really really want it to go away! I feel so gross, and I don't want to go anywhere or do anything until it at least goes down and isn't so 3D.

This is such a lame post. But I'm posting it anyway cause it's been on my mind all weekend long.