disneyland

Last spring, Loo-loo started asking to go to Disneyland. We were surprised, because she has never asked to go on a vacation before. We would go on family trips when she was little, but as she got older it became harder and harder to deal with her short window of patience. Just a half hour car ride is hard for her- she is the queen of "are we there yet?"

It took us a while to make a plan that would work for everyone- we wanted it to be a family trip, but it just didn't work out, so my mom and I finally decided to take her in the fall, so it wasn't so hot and busy, and so that we could just focus on her- it was her trip, after all.

Loo-loo hadn't been to Disneyland since she was 2, so she really didn't have any memories, just what she sees in movies, t.v., and what her friends tell her. She was convinced that when we arrived in California, that Mickey and Minnie would be waiting for us with a sign that said "Lindsay" Haha! High expectations, that one. Also, she had never flown before.

In the airport, waiting. Trying to relax and saying "om, om" to calm herself down.

I was convinced that she would be able to handle the plane and the trip very well. She is always so well behaved when I have her- I have forgotten that it's taken a lot of practice and hard work on my mom's behalf to get to her well behaved state. I haven't seen her ill behaved side for so many years, I forgot what it's like to wrangle her in public. Besides the fact that now she is a fully grown adult- with the temper and patience of a 2 year old, (at her worst) needless to say, it was hard on all of us. I realized on this trip that I baby the hell out of her- I need to step up and treat her like the respectable adult that she is.

The plane ride was okay- she rocked in her seat to keep calm and we had her ipod so she could listen to music- but she just didn't have any patience. When she gets frustrated, she says things like "Whats going on here?" "We're LOST!" and "Fine! Just forget it!" followed by punching, scratching, stomping. They switched our plane to a smaller one- so it was really hard for her to get in and out of the seat and up and down the aisles. We had to wait for almost an hour for our shuttle to our hotel, then the shuttle took an hour and a half to get to the hotel. She finally fell asleep on my mom's shoulder in the shuttle.

Our hotel was gorgeous- this is the view for our room.

Loo-loo picked her bed, then we all took much needed naps.

Well rested, we went to check out the pool- Loo-loo really wanted to swim. But it was outside, and kinda cold. She thought that a hotel that fancy should have an indoor pool as well.

I love palm trees.

Waiting for the shuttle to Disneyland. We were a mile away, so it was a nice quick ride.

We got our tickets and walked in the gate- and it started to rain. Sheets of water, pouring from the sky. We had brought ponchos- so we ducked into the nearest dry spot and unwillingly pulled them on. We had really hoped to not see rain that quickly in the day- we were disappointed, Loo-loo was beyond frustrated, and we had just gotten there. It was going to be a long day.

Loo-loo may have retreated to some bad behavior, but it was only because she was soooo excited, it was her dream come true. And because she was frustrated with the rain- we all were. Seeing her that excited to be at Disneyland was neat- it took me back to when I was little and saw the magic at Disneyland. So even though I had a plastic hood scrunched over my face for a good part of the day, I still saw magic in that castle, and a little hope that I actually might pull the sword from the stone.

We went to the Tiki Room first, then to Pirates, then we ran for the next nearest indoor ride- the Haunted Mansion. Nightmare Before Christmas style. We knew Loo-loo would hate it, but we had to get out of the rain.

To get on the ride you have to get on a moving walkway- with Loo-loo's depth perception problems, it was not fun. I had to pick her up and put her in the ride. And with the speaker in the back of the car- it kept freaking her out- so I had to cover her mouth to keep her screams in. People were looking at us like we were torturing her.

Do you see that my pants are soaked right up to my knees? And Loo-loo loves splashing in puddles- so every other step our shoes got a bath. Thankfully, the rain stopped at this point. Disneyland workers were out sweeping water away from the paths- no more puddles.

Teacups were closed due to the rain. Sad, sad.

Finally, a character! Loo-loo was so excited to see Tigger.

Actually, right after we pulled on our ponchos, we saw Goofy and Donald- Loo-loo ran, full speed, arms out, screaming "Donald! Donald!" It scared the dude so bad that he ran to Goofy for safety, and wouldn't look at her. We had to tell her not to scare them- or they would kick us out.

Mickey was so cute with her. Poor Loo-loo and her soaking wet hair! But look just how happy she is, to get to meet Mickey Mouse!

In Toontown the sun actually came out for like 10 minutes. We got some water and took a break at a table.

On the Smallworld ride, we learned that Loo-loo does not like boats. But she did enjoy singing "It's a small world after all" for the whole ride.

She was happy to have a photo in a teacup, even if she couldn't go on the ride.

Tinkerbell was so nice! She asked Loo-loo for a hug, after we told Loo-loo not to hug the characters anymore, she was squeezing them so tightly. But she gave her a nice hug.

Loo-loo loved the Dumbo ride!

And she even got on a moving horse on the Carousel!

Sword in the Stone.

Swans outside the Castle.

We ventured towards Tomorrowland, when it began to pour again. We went on the Buzz Lightyear ride- then we were done. We wanted to get some shopping in before we got kicked out. (They closed the park at 6- for the Halloween party)

Halloween caramel apples. So cute!

We loved all the Halloween decorations- they had lots of neat carved pumpkins- but the rain didn't allow me any good shots.

This is a terrible photo. But you had to see how everyone looked in their stupid ponchos.

Our ponchos were grey- my mom kept saying how she felt like she looked like a Dementor. And since I just read Harry Potter 3, I now know what she meant.

I love these photos of Loo-loo that she took of herself. And princess Minnie.

We ordered Buca di Beppo for dinner- so delicious and it really hit the spot for all of us, especially the chocolate cake. (That we mostly ate for breakfast the next morning.)

Loo-loo shows off her new Mickey shirt, and her new Tinkerbell hoodie.

No rain makes a much happier Loo-loo. And a much happier mom and sister.

We found a Mickey statue.

Ah, I love my little sister.

One of the 2 photos of all three of us.

On the plane ride home- a bigger plane. And they gave us almost front row seats- so the ride home was much calmer and less stressful than the on the way there.

All in all, Loo-loo had the wonderful Disneyland vacation that she had been begging for all summer. And we are so happy that we got to give it to her- her memories will last a lifetime. Next time, we won't go in the rain. But the next time won't be for awhile- it took so much out of us, especially Loo-loo. I think we'll stick to what we know works and what she loves here, at home.

the pumpkin patch

Pumpkin lane.

Looks like a lot of choices, but a lot of them were already rotting. I picked this place 'cause they advertised being able to pick off the vine. Not so much.

Loo-loo quickly un-stacked these fellows right after I snapped the shutter. Every pumpkin needs it's own place, ya know?

Afternoon shadow.

Loo-loo loves photo op's!

We lasted about 1/8th into the corn maze before we (loo-loo) gave up trying to balance in the skinny ditch that was supposed to be the path.

I wore a skirt. (no pockets) Which meant that I had to stash my phone and the cash in my bra.

Which I couldn't previously get away with, but now that I am 2 cup sizes bigger (ahem) I can.

Not that it's comfy- I prefer pockets.

re-learning

*someday (soon) I will be blogging again. For realz.

hello...

I'm in bed, with my iPhone, blogging.

Sorry.

I really wanted to write a real post, but I have no time- this week has been crazy.

I have so much to tell you!

We went to the pumpkin patch last week.

This week my mom and I took Loo-Loo to Disneyland.

Today I had a root canal, and baked a pumpkin cheesecake.

Tomorrow I am baking all day for a wedding reception that's on Saturday.

Whoa, right?

So since I'm all whacked out on painkillers, I am in bed reading the 2nd Harry Potter book. (no, I've never read them before. Stop throwing rocks at me. Better late than never, right?) I read the first one yesterday at LAX and on the plane ride home.

Sitting in bed with my cats and a book is all I have the energy for.

Thanks for listening- I will be back next week with some tall tales and maybe even some true ones...

in all honesty...

I hate how I look...

...but I love how I feel.

I roll out of bed and walk to the closet. I look for something- anything that will fit. I am defeated. I run away to the bathroom, where I wash my face and put my hair up. I go back to the closet- and run away again to start some laundry. I realize that I am doing chores in my underwear, in front of all my open blinds. Back to the closet and quick!

I search for the faded black jeans that I bought forever ago, because they are the largest ones I own. I jump into them and- I can barely button them up. Seriously? Has it really come to this?

20 pounds in 6 months. Really.

"This is serious" I say to myself as I sit on my bed, "I need to do something."

Half of it I have gained from quitting the job that had me standing all day, running up and down stairs, and lifting heavy boxes. The other half is from me not suffering from this stupid and very lame condition anymore. It's nothing serious- my dad has it, I have it, and no, I really don't want to tell you all the hairy details. (gross and embarrassing) I am just very very grateful that I found a solution that works. Since figuring it all out, I am 100% symptom free, and 10 pounds heavier.

I get up in the morning, and I debate whether or not to exercise. "Just 10 pounds" I say, "then I will fit into my clothes again." Sometimes I do, mostly I don't. I wear my comfy pants all day. I don't go out. I only have like 2 outfits that I can fit into. I am embarrassed about my appearance. Gaining that much weight in that amount of time usually means one thing- baby weight. (nope, no babies.) I don't want to go out and run into anyone I know and have to explain that I am indeed not expecting, just chubby. (like anyone would ask anyway.)

All my life, I couldn't stand any kind of physical activity- I would get nauseous, my ears would burn, my head would pound, I couldn't breathe. My doctors have always said that my depression would get better if I would exercise regularly. But I hated it, it made me sick. It never made me feel better. And, I was skinny. I had no motivation to exercise.

But now I do. And the strange thing is, I kinda crave some physical activity. When we were in San Fran, and I walked and walked till my leg muscles were shot, and it was 50-60 degree weather, I was in heaven. I was sore but didn't care. Walking warmed me up and I wasn't cold.

Speaking of which- I don't get cold all the time anymore. It's been so nice- I have really enjoyed climbing into bed with my husband wearing a tank top and not much else. Whereas before I would have to wear sweatpants, socks and a hoodie to bed. Oh, and usually an extra blanket. I have found (to my husbands delight) that sleeping is more comfortable without the comfy pants- who knew?

And a little TMI. I really like having boobs. And an ass. Not much of one, but still. A little curve in my shape make me feel good.

And the battle goes on. I wake up and I hate myself, so I sit around making it worse. But at the end of the day (literally, when I am in bed with Danny in my tank top) I like myself. I feel great. I am warm. I have a great attitude. I don't want to lose the weight that makes me feel so much better.

But then the morning comes, and nothing fits. Yesterday I put on my Sturgis tee shirt. It's been huge on me ever since my brother gave it to me 6 years ago. Yesterday, it fit. Perfectly. I almost cried. I hate my chubby face. I have always thought my face looked fat, even when I definitely wasn't. And I know that really, I'm not fat at all- I just feel that way when I am trying to squish into clothes that are too small. And who wants to buy bigger clothes? Not me. Not jobless moneyless me.

I took a real good look at my body in the bathroom mirror this afternoon. A little curvy. A little squishy.

But I don't care. I like it, and it feels right. I feel like I have finally found myself. I would much rather be healthy and happy, than skinny and miserable. And after a while, I may even grow to love my fat face.

And then I think "WTF? Am I crazy? Really, I am okay with this?" Breathe. Yes I am.

So I talked to my husband. I told him how I felt, holding my breath that he would feel the same. And he does. Phew! But the hard part?

"So, um. Honey? That means that I need some new clothes. I mean ALL new clothes. And I will need you to buy them for me. You know, cause I am jobless."

This is not the kind of shopping spree that I have always dreamed of. But it's a shopping spree nonetheless.

loo-loo at lagoon

I love Lagoon- always so magical as a little kid. I have been itching to go all summer- and so has Loo-loo, but we thought we'd beat the heat and go at the end of the season. It was a perfect day- cool enough during daylight that we didn't fry and a little chilly in the evening. I wish I had brought a jacket- but I got a very overpriced hot chocolate that helped.

Also, my mom and I are taking Loo-loo to Disneyland in a few weeks- so this was kind of a "practice" run to see how she will do, waiting in lines with noisy rides and screaming kids. She did pretty good, considering. There were a few dicey moments- but she worked with me and scored an "A".

Disneyland, here we come!

While waiting in line to buy our tickets, Loo-loo said "Me go look at cool car!" And of course she had to have a photo next to it.

This was the first ride we waited in line for that she decided not to go on. Luckily we were only 1/4 of the way in, so getting out of line was easy. The worst one was waiting in line for the fairly new roller coaster- Wicked. We got all the way to the ride- up some stairs even, before she freaked out and said "Me scared! Me no go! Me no go! Me noooo goooo!" and tried to run back down the people filled staircase. If have even been behind Loo-loo on a staircase, then you know that she takes up the whole thing whist going down, and also takes about 3 times longer than you do to get down. So that was not an option. I got her calmed down, and had her exit the ride and wait for me- cause I was not waiting in line for 45 minutes for nothing. It was fun- but I was very glad she didn't go. It was waaay too rough for her.

(Loo-loo has metal rods on either side of her spine, so she has limited movement in her back, an does not do well in bumpy or jerky situations.)

The Screamer. She went twice. All by herself. I went too- it's one of my fav's. When we were little my brother and I would go on this as many times as we could- and we would always ride together. So I was a little sad when she didn't want to go with me. And I was so worried about her the first time- I forgot just how fun that ride is!

Ahhh- The Swings. Another fav- for both of us.

Loo-loo loved all the photo op's.

"You take a picture of me?"

Waiting in line.

The Carousel.

The Paratrooper. As soon as we got in the air, Loo-loo freaked out. She started screaming "Stop the ride! I want down!" I guess she is afraid of heights- which surprises me that she likes the swings so much. Maybe it was nighttime that made her fear come out.

Does anyone else hate the sound of their voice on videos? Me too.

The Space Scrambler. The first time we went together- and she squished into me. So when she wanted to go again- I let her go alone. She loved every screaming second.

She desperately wanted to go on the bumper cars- but that ride would have hurt her back. So we watched instead. Loo-loo laughed and laughed...

She really wanted to play games...but those things are fixed. So I let her play in the arcade instead. Waaay less money spent, almost the same lame prizes to be won.

She got some glow in the dark vampire teeth and a plastic lizard with her tickets.

The huge piles of pumpkins at the entrance were much more impressive at night- all lit up.

We had a wonderful day. When I took her home, she said to me "Thanks, I had lots of fun!"