Dear Luke Wilson-
I can't stand your lame stupid ridiculous Ver i zon commercials. I hit the "mute" button every time they come on. Dude, you totally sold out. I choose to remember you in your earlier days, when you were besties with Owen. You were funny then. Not so much now. It make me sad.
Come quick! And last until June, okay? Snow is not part of spring. Tell winter to f-off for me. Thanks.
Could you please come and clean my house once a week? Fridays would be great. I will even introduce you to our super computer, the Minilith. See you soon.
Please potty train yourselves while Danny and I are at work. That's at least 5 hours a day. You can do it- I believe in you! There is a tuna fish sandwich in it for each of you.
I really do feel bad about how messy you are all the time. I asked Rosie to come over, but my hopes aren't very high. Something about her being a cartoon robot. And that woman is not available. She isn't even real.
I love you. And I will continue to love you one bag at a time.
I don't care how many movies you make. You are not talented enough to branch out. You are Edward. Accept it. You are making millions. Finish out your contract, and buy an island.